Monday, December 22, 2008

Tricky to navigate stairs through all the tears


I don't have any qualms about using these blogs to make random references to TV favorites. However, I do try to avoid peddling any type of product or recommendation. Either way, I will take the time to tell anyone reading this to go see "Seven Pounds."

This is one of the best written movies I have ever seen. Character motivation, development and plot begin as a scrambled pile of puzzle pieces.

Based on what I have read, don't trust the reviews of this movie. People complain that the mystery is too thick, the segments too disjointed. I disagree entirely. I think Seven Pounds does what many movies fail to: respects the audience. You may find yourself predicting the end of this movie early on. Even if you do, it will not take away from the powerful climax or poignant last scene.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Economy - It Tastes Like Burning!


Analysts may have all of their fancy charts and doomsday predictions, but in the Workman house, the economy can be evaluated by the quantity of canned meats consumed. Times have apparently been grim since I first tasted Spam with Bacon!
Processed bricks of meat aren't all fun and games. Sure, it is exciting to slice it up after watching it slide out of the can. You don't know if the congealed bubble of saturated fat you're bound to discover will be the size of a dime or a golf ball. It's like a prize in a box of Cracker Jacks! That is, I suppose, if Cracker Jacks started giving away heart attacks.

Even the way the meat reveals itself is exciting. I did some extensive testing and realized that Spam drops from the can at the same speed as the New Year's countdown ball.

"Yay! Here I am!! You're poor!" says the Spam after sticking its landing on your plate.

You can try to jazz it up, but adding eggs and A1 won't make your Spam fancy. Pretend you're eating steak all you want; in your heart you know that "rib-eye" you're noisily masticating came from a blender.

My denial finally gave way to acceptance when I pushed away from the table while trying to roll Spam into seaweed and rice. I sobbed uncontrollably into my greasy palms. I had just dragged my beloved Sushi into an alley, beaten and raped it.

Sushi: I will spend the rest of my days (as long as I can chew solid food, at least) giving you the treatment you deserve. I will never take you for granted again.

Women who make poor choices with men must face the lonely walk of shame in the morning. Men who make poor choices with low-grade pseudo-meats must also deal with the consequences after the next dawn breaks. In the words of the brilliant Brian Regan, "It seems like everything on my insides wants to be on my outsides!"

Regretful and ashamed, you are forced to stand on the train platform early in the morning and ask yourself the tough questions:

"Its only 23 degrees. If I let this fart out, will it steam?"

Lunch consists of Saltines and Vienna Sausages. You bite into perhaps your 100th of the year and catch yourself thinking, "If Spam pooped, I bet it would look like this."

And now, 12 hours later, you ride the train home longing to get out to the platform. Cold or warm, the pressure valve must be purged. Your intestines seem as angry at Spam as you are at them.

Then, as the realization washes over you, a single tear escapes the clutches of your eyelid. You can't wait to get home. You're going straight to the stove to crank it to MED-HI. You're going to take out that fracking Spam pan, aren't you? You are! You can't wait to peel back that shiny gold lid! You're addicted, Buddy!

Forget Big-Tobacco and Big-Oil! Let us raise our fists and revolt against the processed meat conglomerates! Damn you Hormel! Damn you and your delicious Spam!!






Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Home (The Dangerous Summer)

TAGGED!! Well, not me personally... but a freind I know. You can imagine what it'd be like if I did! Huh? Huh?

Did you pick up the genius of the late and loved Chris Farley in Billy Madison? I hope so.
I saw this on Melissa's blog and thought it was pretty cool because it uses songs like "I Ching" Chinese fortune-telling coins. Okay... not really, but it is fun to search for meaning where none actually exists. Don't we do this all the time?

The rules: Go to the shuffle setting on your MP3 player. Answer each question with title of the next song that comes up. No skipping, even if it doesn't make sense!

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Mother Father (Dave Matthews Band)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Kotov Syndrome (Rise Against)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Thick As Thieves (Dashboard Confessional)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Broken Hearts and Concrete Floors (Dashboard Confessional)
*** Wow. Dark.***

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Back Breaker (Hit The Lights)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Who Is Aliandra (Park)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
What Would You Say (Dave Matthews Band)

WHAT IS 2+2?
I'm Real (The Starting Line)
***I would have said, "CHICKEN!!" for all you Brian Regan fans!***

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Playing For Keeps (Matchbook Romance)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Goin' Out West (Fight Club Soundtrack)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Wasting Time (RED)
*** I really, REALLY wish that one didn't come up!***

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Whatever Tomorrow Brings (Incubus)
*** This is getting SPOOKY!***

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Save Us (Cartel)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Black hole Sun (Copeland - Punk Goes 90's)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The Trophy Wife (Park)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The Grim Goodbye (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Greatest Fall (Of All Time) *** Actual Title!*** (Matchbook Romance)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?]
Papercut (Linkin Park)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Light in August - Chapter 9 (William Faulkner)

WHATS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
On Writing - Disc 8 (Stephen King)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
4AM Forever (Lostprophets)
*** Probably better for the last one...***

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Eight of Nine (The Ataris)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Ocean And Atlantic (Mayday Parade)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
What You Are (Dave Matthews Band)
*** Who knew I had so much DMB on this thing?!***

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Matter of Time (Cartel)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
The Ransom (Cartel)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Love Seat (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Memory (Sugarcult)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Broken Legs (Moneen)
***No Way!!***

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Home (The Dangerous Summer)

What I learned from this game: DMB is taking up WAY too much of my iPod space!
Note from Melissa:

"Be forwarned if you play: There is a slight urge to make these songs mean something. And when it doesn't make sense, you will be tempted to skip to the next song...There is a LOT of cleaning up I need to do. So much music to weed through and get rid of.
TAG, You're IT! (If you want)"

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Who has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy.


Doing a blog post from my iPod Touch seemed like a really good idea until I started typing (more like mashing!).

"I'm sorry, the fingers you've used to dial are too fat. To order a special dialing wand..."

Alright. Enough obscure TV references. But, ten points if you knew the first one was from The Office without the picture. And, let's see, a Gold Star sticker if you remembered the second one was from The Simpsons; you know, back when it was funny.

About the goatsucker book, I know I put on here that I would finish it by Christmas. I can only devote so many hours a day to writing and I made some great progress with it. Alas, my priorities have been changed for me.

Before I can put any more time into high school bullies or mythological mexican monsters, I need to get my first book into print. I mentioned it in my first or second post on this blog. Until a few weeks ago, I had decided not to publish it. I've had some amazing conversations since then which made me reconsider. A small handful of people have actually found the book helpful and started promoting it to their friends. So, I can either let my rough drafts keep getting passed around or do it right. It was a lot of work so the latter is really the only option.

I don't write this to encourage any of you to read my first book. I just wanted to let those of you who expressed interest in the fiction book know that it has been pushed back. Even though you completely forgot about it until now, humor me and act disappointed, okay?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Tiny Warrior


Don't poke fun. The punches come fast and low. I know from experience. Johnny, sorry about the Willow picture. Please don't kick my ass... again.

As the rest of you may or may not know, Johnny "The Mechanic" Miller is a much better fighter than I am Journalist. A while back I was given a contract to write for the Close-Up portion of The Salt Lake Tribune, but couldn't imagine myself doing local reporting on the side. However, in one serendipitous swipe, Johnny and I each got a chance to shine.

After Becca was kind enough to tranq us, tag us, and drag us (unconscious and tongues lolling) back into their wonderful group of friends, we started catching up. (I joke in an effort to mask my nerdy giddiness at being invited to sit at the cool kid table!)

I realized that Johnny is even more serious about fighting than ever and thought - in the spirit of reacquaintance - to contact the editors of Close-Up and pitch a story about Utah's smallest cage fighter. They loved it.

I sent in the story today and they are running it. They didn't set an exact publication date, but when I know, you'll know. They even fueled my addiction for long-winded prose by accepting the piece 32 words too long.

Headline, photo and editing pending, here is a sneak-peak at the story...

Johnny "The Mechanic" Miller doesn't look like much of a fighter. If you ran into him at the park, you'd probably find the auto-shop manager pushing his daughter on the swings during a rare day off.

Barely tipping the scales at 135, Miller doesn't fit the stereotype of a cage fighter. Despite his vigorous training regiment and healthy appetite, Miller still falls shy of even the Featherweight class.

"Yeah, sometimes it makes it tough for my trainer to line up fights," Miller said. "I almost always end up fighting someone from a heavier class."

These menial details have not curbed Miller's passion for the ring. Trying to convince him that he lacks the build for the cage is like telling Rudy that he's too small to play football.

Does the issue of stature hinder Miller after the bell rings? Apparently not. If anything, his opponents run a greater risk by underestimating Miller and succumbing to overconfidence.

"Watching Johnny step into the cage is like seeing a Geo Metro pull up to the line," explained CJ Mansfield, close friend of the fighter. "You might be guilty of chuckling until the light turns green and you realize there's a v8 under the hood."

Miller's last fight - during Throwdown II at the Mackay Events Center - ended with a victory only four minutes into the first round.

Not all of Miller's fights have left him smiling. The most crushing defeat took place during his first exhibition fight. Strangely enough, the disappointment stemmed from a complete absence of blood on the mat. Miller never got to unleash his countless hours of training because the challenger failed a drug test and forfeited.

"He was devastated," said Becca Miller, Johnny's wife. "What a bummer that was. All that training, starving, and mental preparedness to go without fighting...lame."

“I would love to be the 135lb champ not only in Utah but on the bigger scale,” Miller said about his plans within Utah's Mixed Martial Arts scene.” I want to be the champ at the highest level of competition for my weight class - World Extreme Cage Fighting.”

When asked what compelled him to take up fighting, Miller said, “I grew up in Canada and have always had a passion for doing anything physical and competitive. I got married and settled down in Utah where I met some great friends who were getting into MMA training and invited me to join. After three years a lot of hours in the gym I started to wonder about my abilities. If I’m constantly training with guys much bigger and stronger than me then what kind of threat could someone my size really pose?”

“MMA has definitely increased my self control and my respect for other people,” Miller said about the mental aspect of fighting. “In our gym we pay respects [bow] every time we get on or off the mats, spar or train with each other and every time we enter the ring to fight. It shows that you respect the person and acknowledge that they are giving you their body, time, and energy so that you can learn. I’ve never been a violent person so I don't look for fights outside of the ring.”

“I train at Bernales Institute with Khru Will Bernales and with a lot of the other great instructors,” Miller said about his training process. “Chris Wells (wrestling/takedown) Mike Diaz (Jiu-Jitsu) and a whole lot more. I also train at Mushin self Defense with Khru Brian Yamasaki and Brandon Kiser. Even if I never fight again I will always train with them.”

Miller loves spending time with wife Becca and daughter Olivia. “I think family is the most important thing in life. I really am just a regular guy who happens to have a passion for fighting.”

*** Not yet part of the article, but I also asked Becca:

Becca, how do you cope with watching your husband and father of your daughter climb into the cage?

I think that I can speak for most of our close family and friends, as well as myself, when I say that it is a bit nerve-racking to watch Johnny fight. On the other hand it is a relief to know that everytime Johnny climbs into the cage he is completley prepared both mentally and physically for each fight . Johnny is a very calm and relaxed fighter watching him battle so calmly is very reasuring, I know that he is strong enough for anything!. Johnny is truely passionate about training and fighting, because it is something he loves I completley support him with all of his MMA goals!


-----  Nov. 7 - Update ----

Just got off the phone with the editor running the story. They plan on running it November 14! 



Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I wish I had more black friends to hug

What a night. I have never before paid much attention to politics and usually watch the presidential nomination with the same mild interest as I might follow the PGA Tour. But tonight... tonight I was RIVETED! I have been watching CNN.com all day, working little. When the projection came in for President Obama came in, I regained my shaken hope for America and the democratic process.

I thought McCain's concession speech demonstrated great character and was only fouled by the seething response from his most faithful followers. In the past I may have been guilty of calling him a "creepy war-monger" but I gained a lot of respect for him for encouraging republicans to move forward and not tolerating the boos in response to Obama's name.