Moab Body Shots

A friend said: "Kiss a red rock for me!" Instead of just kissing a red rock while in Moab this weekend, I decided to do one better. I took a body shot off of her. I found a salt deposit on a red cliff face, licked it off, took a long slug of silver tequila, then bit directly into a whole lime. I won't lie... it was the manliest shot ever.

So, it turns out there is quite a job market in Moab for the adventurish and bummish... of which I am both. I will leave as soon as possible. I will make sure to still find ways to see the girls, but with no more alimony to pay, and with the possibility of keeping my office job intact whilst taking a few months off, well, it is hard to stay.

I moved to the suburbs for the girls, only to have them move away. Thought I had cleared that up, but I was wrong. Life here is full of angst and alcohol. Life in Moab is calm, quiet, serene. I can actually fill my stress leave as I drive into town there, and then feel it return in Salt Lake county.

I plan to tend bar, work as a river guide, fly hot air balloons... really just do whatever I can to make a few bucks here and there. I plan to live in a tent down the river, with a bike and a bar of soap.

IF I happen to die while living in Moab by a rattlesnake bite, water moccasin bite, tiny scorpion bite while I hike too far and dehydrated from camp... well, so be it. Have my body cremated and put in a brown paper bag. Remember three things:

1. I did NOT do it on purpose.
2. EVERYTHING goes to my daughters. I left Jenny as the beneficiary on everything, but the life insurance policies and everything I own goes to Emma and Abbi. I want college and weddings paid for. I want my ashes scattered over the rim in Moab. Let the wind carry me down to the Colorado and then eventually to the sea. No Mormon bullshit at the service. Let Spencer tell the story about how we found "FUCK" in the stars and then everyone enjoy their time outside in my honor. I want the house she buys purchased in THEIR name. She can live there with her guy if she wants, but if I find out my life insurance went to whiskey, Wendover, and sex toys... well, I will haunt them! ;)
3. I love those little girls more than anything in this world. They are everything to me. They make life make sense. Whatever you tell them about me... never let them doubt my love for them.

Sort of a weird title for a Last Will and Testament but I don't have plans on letting my life end at 29. I plan on owning Moab. I plan on getting everything out of almost 30 years of life that I have wanted within 3 months. I plan to spend every minute in the NOW and just moving from one experience to the next. I plan on returning better than I left. And, well, right now I don't have the bar set too high. It should be easy.

I will do my best to go to town and check my phone once every couple of days. Call in a search party if you haven't heard from me by September. Vaya con dios, bitches!