My Amazing Aunt Laura (1954 - 2010)

I almost feel ashamed to be associating my incredible aunt Laura with the other drivel that has spilled onto these pages, but I needed a venue to share my thoughts about her funeral yesterday.

My sweet wife has been a friend of the Savage family since preschool. Their home was a refuge from the normally judgmental Utah suburbs. When we heard of Laura's accident, I was upset. Jenny was distraught. When we heard of her passing, I was heartbroken, but Jenny was absolutely floored.

Here I was learning of the death of my own aunt, and needing to console my wife who had no blood relation to her but who had still been so impacted by the life of this wonderful woman that she couldn't even keep her footing. I guess that already tells you a lot about Laura.


My initial feeling is one of deep regret -- that I didn't know more about my own aunt. I wish I had spent more time in her home. I wish when I was a child that I hadn't been such a complete jerk to her daughters. Despite my childish, mean words and lack of respect, she still loved me.

I never knew what an incredible writer she was. I held it all together until her daughter Heather read a poem that Laura kept in their home. And then I really lost in when I listened to one of her own poems written at the age of 11, read in my grandfather's choked voice. I have never seen that man cry, and it was overwhelming.


I don't remember the exact verse Heather read, but from what I can find online it was something like this:


"Cleaning and scrubbing will wait 'till tomorrow, but children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow. So quite down cobwebs! Dust go to sleep! I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep."

When I heard that "Babies don't keep" line I just broke. Laura's legacy made me want to race home and hold my own daughters and beg them to forgive me for every single time I have been too hard on them. She reminded me of one of the last movies I watched with the girls, and the harsh realization that I have become more like a Mr. Wilson, the old curmudgeon and less like a Dennis the Menace.


Laura, with her love for life and her endless drive to do everything she could for her daughters and grandchildren, seems to have striven for the latter throughout her years, despite her struggles. Luckily, at her graveside I realized that I was not alone. Her life was reminding many of us (if not all of us) to be kinder to our children. To hold them close and love them completely. To do everything we could to boost their confidence and live as an example of love and acceptance. To ask ourselves the tough question "what will this really cost me?" in every situation where we might feel "inconvenienced" by our offspring.


She showed us what a truly successful life looks like.


Another thing that amazed me is the people she brought together. All of the petty garbage was set aside so that people could join to celebrate her life. Without hesitation Jenny and I joined in hymns, prayers, and set foot back in an LDS chapel after years of avoidance. We didn't give it a second thought. It also made me realize that there is a direct correlation between your last visit to a Mormon church and your last taste of potatoes topped with Corn Flakes, which are beyond delicious. ;)


Laura's funeral also brought together three women in my life I would never have expected to see in the same room. My mother, my ex-step mother, and my current step mother. They didn't sit together and hold hands or anything, but I can tell you that it was a genuine MIRACLE that they were all able to forget about their relationship quarrels during Laura's service.


I wish I had known more about my aunt. I wish I had spent more time with her and known what an incredible writer she was.


From a religious standpoint, I was so grateful for the peace that the gospel has provided to her family and loved ones. Part of me envied their certainty and I genuinely, deeply hope that they are right.


Yesterday I felt something I haven't felt in a while. I don't mind at all associating that feeling with what I used to call "The Spirit" and I certainly don't discredit that.


Even though I can't bring myself to associate those feelings with a particular religious affiliation, I can say without a doubt that they do make me want to be a better man. Laura's life makes me want to do more with my own. She makes me want to be a better husband and a better father. She makes me want to seek out more areas of improvement in my own life and give more to those around me. She makes me want to focus even harder on that which truly matters, and aggressively cast aside all of the other time-wasters that do not.


And for all of those things, I will always be grateful for her and indebted to her life and example.