So I Bought You Socks Instead

(For Jenny)

I awoke today in an excellent mood.
You were standing there smiling and holding food.

A plate of eggs, and coffee too.
Through my morning breath I utter, “Dang, I love you!”

I finish eating, and exit the room
So very happy you made me your groom

“Thanks, babe! That sure was delicious!”
“Not only that,” you say, “but also nutritious!”
With that ever-so-kissable sweet but sly grin,
You ask, “Did you notice the broccoli I decided to throw in?”

I knew right then and there that I wanted to do something special today,
Something unexpected and extraordinary to show that I love you in every way.

What would I do? What could I buy?
My dilemma was complex, too difficult to rhyme.

So, I axed the poem format and decided to just brainstorm possible gift ideas. Just like working through a bag of peanut butter M&M’s, it was a process of elimination.

At first, I thought about lingerie. I could buy you something scantly and silky, weighing approximately as much as a sparrow’s fart. But then I thought, no, that’s really not a gift for her.

I thought about that dog you rescued today, and how sweet you are with animals, so I thought about getting you a puppy. But then I thought, no, she’s already doing potty training right now with Abbi. That would be too many potty watches to keep dry.

So, I thought maybe I’d get you a new chick-flick DVD, maybe something with a quirky lead female character and a devilishly handsome male “friend” who gives her a lot of crap but secretly understands her. And maybe he helps her land the guy she’s wanted for years, but once she has him, she realizes that he’s kind of an ass to waiters/kids/animals/cab drivers and suddenly realizes that she misses the guy who drove her insane 45 minutes earlier in the film. So she goes to visit him but happens to walk in just when he’s being passionately kissed by her secretly evil best friend/bridesmaid/sister/roommate/mother and decides to run away. He’s forced to chase her by acquiring a stolen horse/car/golf cart/child’s bike and just happens to make it in time to see her leaving on her boat/plane/train/bus and, out of breath, curses and looks really broken-hearted. But then, just when all seems lost he finds her at a crowded party/wedding/bat-mitzva/corporate meeting and proceeds to confess his undying love to her in front of everyone. They kiss, and we presume that the rest of their lives together are free of problems. I was going to buy you one of those movies, but then I realized I just written one.

I thought about buying you a bar of that symphony chocolate with toffee that you like, but I know that you would say something about all of the leftover Halloween candy we already have.

I thought about buying you a gift certificate to get your nails done, but I know how those drive you crazy after a while.

And then, after all of those ideas, I thought about the way you smile when I wrap you up in your favorite blanket. I thought about the way you love to feel secure and warm. So, I took my lingerie/puppy/chick-flick/chocolate/free nails money and got online to buy you…

…10 pairs of super comfy socks.