"Native American" Summer

A year ago, we expected to still be in Texas for another Halloween. Trick-or-Treating in Texas was a riot. It had a similar feel to when Jenny and I were kids. People still made haunted houses in their front yards. The neighborhood was packed with tiny Princesses and Transformers. They didn't seem to have succumbed as fully as Utah to the dreaded "Trunk-or-Treat" BS that seems to be packing our children with even more sugar without even making them walk around the block to get it.

And it was so warm...

I wandered around behind my own Tinkerbell and Snow White. They had no need to cover their costumes with winter coats and I was comfortable in shorts, Jenny in her tank top. It was a lot of fun.

The Sun-Lover in me will miss the Texas climate this year. It was a lot of fun to see people mowing lawns around their Christmas yard decorations. But I can't remember a fall in Utah that I have enjoyed as much as this one. The warm days and lack of freak October snow storms has helped me ease out of summer better than previous years. It seems like this year the leaves will actually have time to drop one by one, rather than being ripped down full branches at a time by the weight of early snowfall.

We've had a great time this fall going for relaxing walks, taking trips to the park, visiting a number of corn mazes and even playing in the woods for an afternoon, launching boats of bark and twigs into the stream.

As far as work goes; the overtime has been a little brutal. I don't know if I will be able to do back-to-back 80-hour weeks again anytime soon. But, the paychecks have opened the door for a lot of fun, a bit of catching up with year-end expenses such as new tires and car repairs, and maybe even a little savings to make plans for next summer.

Winter, we'll see you when you get here. No need to rush. Travel safe and take ALL the time you need.

"The" Gays

(I am adding to this because I feel like this post has become an important and civil conversation with one of the smartest women I know. Melissa, I hope you don't mind.)

This is one I seriously debated blogging about. My history with Mormonism makes my current relationship with the church and its members a tenuous one. I have been very reluctant to directly discuss my personal reasons for leaving the church, because (as I have mentioned in the past) I do not want anyone to feel like I think my reasons should be anyone else's reasons. I hope that make sense.

However, recent events make me feel the need to express my opinion - not based solely on a church matter but instead a civil rights matter. I no longer watch General Conference, but during the last few years I have read talks that have been forwarded to me by friends and family members. For the most part I have still enjoyed them as much as I did when I was a member of the church. They generally carry an uplifting message directed toward the family or goodwill to mankind - topics I can ALWAYS get behind as long as nobody is trying to exclusively claim them.

But, Elder Packer's comments about homosexuality really upset me. While I was still part of the church, I had the opportunity to become friends with several guys my age who were struggling with their conflicting identities of gay and Mormon. One of them even told me about his suicide attempt after being kicked out of the house when he "came out" to his Mormon parents.

He had grown to HATE the part of him that was gay and I could tell from his story that he wanted nothing else but to "overcome" his "tendencies." He had even considered self mutilation and chemical castration.

It was something that I couldn't relate to but at the same time seemed to understand perfectly. I knew what it was like to be ashamed of my own sexual inclinations. Even though my attraction was of the hetero- variety, I still felt like it was something I always had to battle against. I knew what it was like to hate my own urges because they have no place in an unmarried Mormon's life.

When I heard the introductory lines to this segment of Elder Packer's talk, my heart sank. There is already so much implication to the words "There are those who would tolerate..."

In my opinion, it just goes downhill from there. How horribly disheartening it must be for struggling Mormon youth to hear this from one of their highest earthly leaders. Imagine the guilt, shame and fear you would feel to be told by "on high" that this part of you, a part that feels so natural and ingrained, is inherently evil. You can understand why gays and the family and friends of gays (both Mormon and non-Mormon alike) have been so concerned by these comments.

While Elder Packer made it clear in his talk that the church will not change, I was reminded of comments by Brigham Young in the Journal of Discourses that had very similar implications for African Americans.

Also note that for the first time in nearly 40 years, changes have been made to the conference talk after it was delivered. (Side note; after some research I found that the "book" in reference was None Dare Call It Conspiracy by Gary Allen.)

While it has significant scientific backing, I will still consider it my "opinion" that some people are born gay. With that in mind, I wrote the following letter to the Utah Pride Center:

"To tell you a little about myself, I am straight, happily married, and
ex-mormon for about two years now. I have tried several times to get
my family out of Utah into an area that is more accepting and open
minded, but family ties and close friends keep bringing us back.

When I was mormon, I was devout and even a solid missionary. I worked
hard to serve the people of Mexico in my own way (mostly by helping
them dig ditches and harvest crops, rather than try to "change" them
religiously) but I suppose you could say that I was still a
"successful" missionary - as the church would call it.

I do not regret leaving the church. In fact, it was probably one of the best
decisions I have ever made. My wife and I are in a much better place
and I feel like my children will have the opportunity to grow up in an
environment of love, acceptance and open-mindedness.

My one regret is that I haven't made more of an effort to diversify my
group of friends. It's not that I feel like I should seek out or treat
differently those of different races or sexual orientations, but when
I look around my group of friends I am struck by the same frustrating
realization as when I look at the majority of Utah: we are almost all
white and straight. In some ways I think it would be wrong to seek out
friends based on their darker skin tone or gayness, like some twisted
sort of diversity hire. At the same time, though, I feel like those of
us who love and accept you should be going out of our way to include
you when so many in this state are working hard to exclude you.

I just want you in the LGBT community to know that there is a quiet
portion of the community like us who genuinely love and support you
for who you are, and even though we may have been raised with a
backwards mentality, we know now that you have been wronged in the
deepest sense of the word. We want desperately to know you and become
friends with you, but just like seeking out black friends would almost
be a form of racism, we know there is something a little off about
trying to make gay friends. That may sound odd but in a way we feel
like the greatest form of service we can provide you with is by not
treating you differently, but by instead being kind to everyone -
regardless of race, creed or sexual orientation. Perhaps I am just
rambling and still backwards (if so please tell me and help me move
forward) but I want you to know that we are here and we support you.

For those of you who are still Mormon; I want you to know there is
still hope. Please don't let recent comments bring you down. After
all, Brigham Young said similar things about African Americans 151
years ago. So, don't be disheartened by Packer's comments. With that in
mind I offer to you my new bumper sticker idea:

"Gay: The new Black of the Mormon church."

Just remember, it is only a matter of time! ;-)"

(Melissa's comment still hasn't shown up, so I am including it in the post itself, because I think it is a wonderful perspective of the other side of this conversation.)

Please, please, please tell me you've actually watched or read the
actual talk, in it's entirety.

It concerns me, the divisiveness created by those (not you, not your
honest and concerned post) who haven't actually listened to the man.

He did NOT say that gays are NOT born that way.

He did NOT say that a person can just "change" their sexual preference,
or even elude to it.

He did NOT suggest that the "tendencies" and "temptations" themselves
are sins. It is the acts that are sins. The LDS website has / had
posted there it's official stance on the matter and stated this very
clearly. Tendencies are not the problem, not the sin, nor will they
keep you from serving within the church, nor will they keep you from
the blessings of heaven. We all must face and overcome the natural man.

When Packer said in his talk that such tendencies can be "overcome" he
did not exclusively elude to homosexuality, but included and stated,
ALL immoral, impure acts and human tendencies(according to LDS
doctrine). Which includes the example you gave of being a heterosexual,
but expected to be celibate until you are married -- and celibacy even
if you never marry (is that our nature, to be celibate? Or even
monogomous? I married at 19 and that was hard enough).

Still, his message stated that the God's laws won't change (which you
disagree with, ok) but that we can all, ALL OF US, take comfort in
knowing that we can overcome those temptations that contradict
progression and the laws of the gospel. He said that we are all capable
of obeying the commandments, we can do it. That we are not given more
tempation than we can bear - that's the promise and message of the talk
(I think).

I have not brought up this topic with anyone else and I only bring it
up with you because;

You are so willing to be open and try really hard not to be combative
and I trust that you know I'm not trying to fight either, even if I
disagree with some things.

I'm not even trying to change your mind or "fix" your opinion, either.
Especially since you come from a place of compassion and concern. I
just thought maybe I would straighten up some of the accusations and
misquotes I keep hearing about (it's bugging me).

I guess I feel defensive, because I do have a testimony of the gospel
and I also believe that Jesus is the ultimate example. It makes me so
sad to think that your friend was kicked out when opening up to his
parents. That's so not what Jesus would do. It's contrary to the
teachings of the gospel as I have come to understand it in my searching
and studying.

I think that is one area that is improving in this LDS culture and I
pray and hope, hope, hope that it's members will really embrace
wholeheartedly the Savior's example. He never, ever condoned sin, but
He also never, EVER turns anyone away when they need Him. Ever. Always
it was and is Love.

I do have a few gay friends/relatives, some mormon, some not. I live in
an area that's pretty diverse for Utah (many, many languages spoken
just on my street, like 7 or so) - That doesn't mean anything other
than I agree with you, about the benefits of living in a diverse place.
Different cultures and lifestyles are not so scary when you serve and
love others, especially those different from you. I think some people
don't want to wrestle with it. But it's so worth it when we are talking
about God's children on earth.

That's all, I've rambled enough for a lifetime.


Love You. And I'm not just saying that so you won't hate me after this
LOOOOOOOOONG and preachy comment.

(I am adding the following, not because I want to have the last word but because I want this conversation to continue.)

Melissa,

Thank you so much for the comment. I got the email but then it didn't appear on here, so I hope you didn't delete it.

First of all, I did not find anything you said to be "preachy" in any way. I loved everything you wrote which is why I really hope it stays on the blog. I appreciate it and in some ways I think you did call me out, which is always necessary.

Yes, I did watch the whole talk because it is important for me to understand the context of quotes. I realize that there are plenty of things that I wrote here that could be taken as very "snarky" or jabbing comments. For those I apologize.

I really love your conviction and I know I've told you before how much I admire it. I do understand the church's stance on the family and in many ways agree with it. I do not blame the church as a whole for the actions of those very un-Christlike parents.

I understand that, in full context, Elder Packer's comments can be applied to all who are striving to overcome temptation. While he did not say that they are not born that way, he did say, "We teach a standard of moral conduct that will protect us from Satan’s many substitutes or counterfeits for marriage. We must understand that any persuasion to enter into any relationship that is not in harmony with the principles of the gospel must be wrong. From the Book of Mormon we learn that “wickedness never was happiness.”

Some suppose that they were preset and cannot overcome what they feel are inborn temptations toward the impure and unnatural. Not so! Remember, God is our Heavenly Father."

To immediately follow a clear statement regarding relationships that are not harmonious with the gospel (married man and woman) and then clearly state that these individuals cannot "suppose that they were preset" is what is concerning me and so many others.

(Talk in full context here)

I suppose that is where we must disagree. I have met people (the aforementioned friend included) who wanted nothing more than to be "normal" and wish that they had never been subject to their "queer" (and by that I do mean odd - pun intended) feelings.

What stands out so strongly to me is the abuse and bullying that many of these individuals experience from a very young age. For many of them, despite their efforts to be what their parents or those around them want them to be, they can't escape something inside them.

I do believe there are those who perhaps have a "wide" range of sexual attractions and maybe "choose" to focus on their same-sex rather than opposite-sex attractions. But, I really do think that the majority can recognize their "tendency" (not "temptation") from a very young age.

Elder Packer asks "Why would Heavenly Father do that to anyone?" and I think that is a great question… from both sides of Theism.

Why would anyone who wants nothing more than to be ridded of their homosexual tendencies make the "choice" to be outcast and ridiculed by nearly everyone they love if they really had the option? If being gay was once and for all determined to be a chemical or mental dysfunction rather than a genetic marker (which hasn't happened as far as I know, despite some past hype about a "gay gene"), and scientists finally discovered a miracle pill that would “set the gays straight”, how many of them do you think would be lined up with credit cards in hand, ready to pay any price?

How many black Mormons would have done the same before 1978 if they were told that by making a certain church contribution they would finally have their “mark of Cain” removed as they had been promised if it meant they could partake in the acceptance and blessings of their gospel?

How many "reformed homosexuals" really exist? Wouldn't it be more likely that there are simply some who have done a better job of suppressing a part of themselves and commit to a life of lies and misery because of the overwhelming pressure of their church/family/society?

I have never had to suffer through something that I imagine to be that heart wrenching but to a certain degree I know what it is like to try to be two people. It is hell and I would never wish that on anyone.

Like I wrote before, I know it can only be considered my "opinion" (despite the studies that have been presented), that people are born gay.

Isn't it unfortunate that there are people living today who aren't victimizing anybody but still want desperately to be something other than what they are? Sure, there are those at this point who I've seen try to argue that a pedophile or rapist don't feel like they can change their sexual urges either. I don't feel like this even merits argument because there is a world of difference between two consenting and loving males or females who want to live a committed relationship and someone who takes a woman or child by force? Doesn't that boil down to an issue of power and control rather than sex?

But back to the talk... when so many young people are committing suicide, being bullied, or even being murdered because they cannot change or refuse to reject who they are, it must be devastating to be told by such a prominent church leader that they simply must overcome their temptation. Granted, Elder Packer's approach is 1,000 times better than the truly hateful christian extremists who spit and scream and hoist their "God Hates Fags" signs.

I think everyone is tested in their lives, if not by God than simply by life itself. My concern is for individuals who are already in such a deep personal agony because they feel that there is something "evil" or "wrong" with them, to be told that the reason they haven't been able to change is essentially their fault. I know Elder Packer never says that, but his talk does imply that if they simply work harder and pray more diligently, they will be fixed. And that is what I have the hardest time with.

It was probably unfair for me to make the comparison between the gay Mormons of today and the black Mormons of 1977 and earlier. There is no need for us to get into or debate whether or not certain church revelations have coincidentally followed political pressures.

In fact, it may have been a very insensitive joke and maybe I am still missing the whole point. Maybe I’m just venting my overall frustration toward anyone who tries to make the consenting-adult-behind-closed-doors activities of other people their business. Maybe I am just that much more entwined in Satan’s grasp. But, I can get behind Packer’s BOM quote that “wickedness never was happiness” because I’d imagine it goes both ways. I don't feel like true happiness can be wicked. And, the happiest I’ve ever been was the moment I decided that I am still worthwhile, even with all of my faults and imperfections. That was the moment that I decided that it was okay for me take charge of my own life and responsibility for my own progression. It may be very “wrong” of me to feel like I get to pick and choose the areas of my life I want to improve and the pace with which I want to improve them, but I feel like it is healthy. And, I feel like if a lot of confused youth and teenagers were given that kind of go-ahead we’d find a lot fewer of them hanging in their closets. We’d see far fewer marriages and families shattered 10 -15 years in because someone decides they have lived the lie as long as they could.

Who knows though – my blog my opinion, right? I look forward to responses, especially if they can be as constructive and educational as Melissa's. Thanks again, Melissa.

Those Crazy Workmans...

Warning: This will be a long post.

Jenny and I have been emailing each other today. We have been trying to figure out why our sense of complacency only seems to last six months at a time. What I am going to include below is an email exchange we've had today. I am doing this because I am sure our family and friends have wondered why in the hell the Workman family keeps moving around (Utah to Wyoming back to Utah then to Texas then back to Utah and now to... Mexico? Panama? Australia?)

Yes, we have seriously considered it.

The question is... why?

Today we seriously asked ourselves this question, and I don't think I've ever seen an email exchange that more clearly displays the thought process of two individuals who are really trying hard to work together for the best possible outcome. I don't mean to say that we are exceptionally bright individuals; in fact our previous attempts and failures would attest to the contrary.

But, the truth is we really want to make sure we do whatever we can to get ourselves and our children into a situation of our design. That means trying desperately to leave behind the priorities of those around us and society as a whole and really gutting our lives down to the core of what is really important... to us.

Based on our long conversation last night (which should be adequately re-capped through the following emails), Jenny writes the following:

Jenny:

I love you! Sorry for all the restlessness.

Me:

Don't worry about the restlessness. I think Spencer made a good point last night about how much friends are a part of your life. In reality, so much of our lives have revolved around our group of friends, and that would be something nearly impossible to replace. I want to give you a home and I think that is something I'm working toward. I think we can forget about the caretaker jobs and things like that because they would feel as temporary as this situation. What I think we really need to discuss is whether or not we should be working toward buying (or building) a house. Maybe we should start looking at building lots out in Farr West or something like that. Maybe we should start considering our options for creating an actual home. Or, maybe we should forget this cruise and instead set a goal in mind for the next 5 years. If we really set our minds to it, only ate out like once a month, lived on a VERY strict budget, worked off rent at Josh's house and I plowed through overtime as much as possible, we could probably save up enough to buy a house with cash, or at least put 50% to 60% down and get a very cheap 15 year mortgage.

Maybe that is the way to go. If we are able to budget on that type of situation in a farming community like that, maybe I could be working as a manager of a feed store or doing some other job that let me work near the girls. More than anything it would be giving you a small home that you know is yours and you don't have to ever leave. Ogden will keep growing as they improve the image and I could probably find something there in the future, especially if I finish my degree.

There are options but we probably have to stop fantasizing about Mexico and Tennessee, because I think we both know those are only temporary solutions. Then again, it is hard not to when we both feel like life may be very temporary. Stupid 2012, making us feel like it is foolish to keep money in savings.

Jenny:

Sorry- I am really happy where we are. I don't want to pressure you to buy a house. I don't even know where i want to live so buying a house until we know for sure what we want is not an option. I feel like you feel like I am expecting you to provide this little impossible fantasy for me, but I'm not. I will be fine here for a long time. It all just comes back to not wasting our time. I know our relationships with our friends are very important. It is just hard sometimes to think about that over the other frustrations with Utah. It is important to remember that though. It's just so frustrating to be stuck in this cycle and to have tried a few different times to get out of it and to just keep coming back to it. I know it's my fault that we keep coming back. I am sorry I feel crazy sometimes...

Me:

It is nobody's "fault" that we came back and I am not upset about any of the decisions we made. I feel like coming home from Texas was a no brainer, and I feel like we got what we needed out Wyoming. I think we both are looking for simplicity and there are a few things we know we agree on:

1. We do NOT want to live in the suburbs
2. We do not care about image or luxury
3. We do not want to uproot our children more than we need to, we want to feel settled
4. We both know that our current situation is good, but cannot be permanent, which probably makes us feel restless
5. We both feel some pressure to find out where we CAN feel settled, but that hasn't happened because (like always) there are too many options
6. We both want to stay near our friends - staying near family and babysitters happens to be a bonus, but not a requirement
7. Neither of us want to make decisions based on other people's opinions or priorities
8. We both want to maximize our time together as a family, which we are not doing at the moment - so we feel like a change needs to take place

In reality, these conversations have probably been coming up just because this last week was so shitty. That is the truth. We haven't had hardly any time together and that has been rough. On the other hand, it makes me wonder how well we will handle the next couple of years of school. If this week was so hard on us, can we buckle down and do this for 200 weeks to get me my degree? I don't know.

Jenny:

I really love that list. It is perfect. Thanks for understanding how my brain works better than i do! I think all of those things are true. One thing, how important is getting a degree to us? Is it something that we really want? Is is worth the time put in. It has the potential to get you a job that involves writing, but is it more for that or for following what we're "supposed" to do. It has the potential of making us more money in the future. It will be hard to wait for the future, but I know we can do it if we think it is a priority and is important for US. Maybe we just need to have clearer goals in mind to get through the "getting there" part. It is hard to not look at our other options of how or where we could be living. The different options are endless. The friend thing is what keeps us here. I feel like that is all, and that is why it's hard not to look elsewhere. I need to come to terms that that is enough to keep us rooted here. But, is that a selfish decision because of how living here will affect our kids, or is it better for them if we are near our friends. I know it's important to them that we're happy. That makes a difference in how they are raised and how we interact with them. I can't straighten my brain out right now. Too much swirling around all at once. Maybe this is how you always feel Haha!

Me:

Yes, that is pretty close to how I always feel. There are so many factors and for some reason they always bring me back full circle to where I started.

Here is what I am thinking about the school thing:

1. I really HATE being away from you girls. I mean, I despise it. But, I know that right now I can't be a provider and spend all day with you, and being the former seems more important at this phase of life. The truth is; the girls need you around a LOT more than they need me. To survive and be comfortable they need the money I can provide. To be safe and secure and smart and loved, they need you. I have come to terms with that. It doesn't mean I don't want to be with you all of the time, but it seems like if there was ever a time I should be gritting my teeth and getting through school, it should be now. Technically, it should have been BEFORE we had kids but that is no longer an option.

2. So, my choices are: do I continue the course we have gone during the last couple of years and hope for a different result (which is the definition of insanity), or do I hope that we do have a future that carries over more than the next few years and buckle down to work for something better.

3. This is where it becomes an all or nothing thing: I can either plan for the end of the world in the near future (which means cashing out savings and trying as hard as I can to put us in a situation where we can enjoy each other for every minute of every day) or I hope for more time (when the girls are 10 and 8 or somewhere along there) when I have used both my current job's income and the education it can help provide to try to give us time together at (what I see as) a crucial juncture of our daughters' lives - when they are old enough to hold onto the memories for a lifetime, but young enough to still want to spend time with us (me).

4. This is where school comes in; yes it will take away from a lot of my time. Yes it will keep from home. Yes it will result in tears of sweet girls who miss their dad. But, with FAFSA and tuition reimbursement, it actually has the potential to improve BOTH our current situation and future situation, which seems like a pertinent motivator. If I decide to go through school, work overtime and continue to push myself, my body and my sanity to the limits, I will be royally disappointed and pissed if some massive earthquake wipes out civilization (or at least the Wasatch front) in a few years. I do NOT want to die with money in savings!! But, then again, if I have simply been led to believe in some doomsday myth that has always existed throughout the last 100 years with just different names (second coming, cold war, bay of pigs, Obama administration) then getting through school while my children are still young enough to perhaps not remember is probably the most responsible thing because....

5. Who knows, by the time the next 5 years blow over, maybe we'll all be telecommuting to work. Maybe I will still be working for Fidelity, keeping my benefits and retirement plan, working from a home office doing emails or even chatting online with someone in Bangladesh who needs to restructure their IRA. I don't really know. Right now the real decision has to come down (in my opinion) to two fairly simple gambles:

A. Will the world last more than another 10-20 years?
B. Will going to school during the next 3 - 4 years actually make us money?

And the answer to both of those questions seems to be; "go for a semester and find out."

This is how my brain works. I'm sorry to have subjected you to it!

Jenny:

Sorry- I can't tell what you meant with that last line? Sorry to have subjected me to it? SO we are buckling down and getting through school. SO- lets do it then. No more craziness/restlessness. That is the plan- so lets get it done :) It will be hard, but it's definitely do-able. Love you!

Me:

I meant sorry to have subjected you to my crazy brain. I didn't mean any decision has been made, but I do feel like it would be foolish to NOT try at least a semester of school at the U when it is paid for and possibly profitable. Does that mean we will last long enough to finish my degree? I'm not sure, I guess we have to wait and find out.

Losing Face(book)

I did it. I deleted my facebook account.

I had planned to wait until I could get home and save all of the pictures and notes and stuff, but it just felt like the right time to get rid of it.

A few months ago Jenny and I both had broken blackberrys and ended up using "loaner" phones with no internet for a while. During that time I hardly ever used facebook because logging on at the home computer felt like a real waste. I justified my facebook time by only doing it on my phone while multi-tasking with something else less important... like working or driving.

Honestly, facebook can be great for remembering birthdays and getting pictures of somebody's new baby. It keeps you up to date on your favorite bands' touring schedules and reminds you that your favorite tv show will be on that night. It does all of those things while chewing away at your life a few minutes at a time.

In Texas, we all got so into facebook that we would all sit around in the living room, everyone on a different computer or laptop and play virtual farming games. We would all be in the same room but somehow still miles apart. This is what we consider "socializing" these days.

Now, take a step back and think about that for a second...

Remember in the early 90's when our parents would tell us to turn off the Nintendo because we were wasting our time? Remember when they told us to go outside and play?

Now, 20 years later some of those same parents are sending us online requests for virtual seeds or fish food. We are replacing actual conversation with "pokes" and clever 420-character updates. Before long, this useful tool that allowed you to reconnect with lost friends is actually putting distance between you and those same individuals. Because, why pick up the phone or meet for dinner when you can write on someone's Wall?

Before long, getting caught up with your real "friends" takes longer and longer because for every one of them, there are five other people who you barely know or remember that have "collected" you as a friend. You are spending precious minutes your life sorting through requests to join online mafias or attend a Harry Potter costume birthday party for your fourth-cousin-thrice-removed. All of the sudden you wake up and realize that you are caught in this social web that constantly begs for your attention but provides very little real interaction.

You are forced to accept or deny the requests of a friend of a friend of a friend and begin to feel like Kevin Bacon in the middle of some twisted "six degrees" game.

Anyway, I just suddenly realized I'm done with it. I don't want to respond to any more friend requests with, "Now, remind me how we know each other." I don't want to have any more public debates about politics or religion or whether Max Hall's hatred is justified.

I love conversation. I even love a good, healthy, constructive debate - I am an ENTP personality type, after all. I just want to be able to see your face in the process. If we are going to disagree about something, I don't want to have to gauge how much of your anger is real and how much is just isolated keyboard courage.

I want my kids to grow up in a society where people still get together on a Wednesday afternoon to mill around in the backyard with a cooler of beer and soda--where the grill and the fold-out table are the only common network we need.

I know I can't make the change for anyone else, and I know that for a lot of people these online networks are their most comfortable means of connection. Personally though, leaving it all behind just feels like a step in the right direction.