Writing Bug... How Sweet Thy Greedy Nibble!!

I got on here a few weeks ago whining about how I couldn't write. Apparently all you need to do is publicly gripe about writer's block for it to crumble. I was looking at the Workman Family (Jenny's) blog and realized that my last post was 4 weeks ago. Whether the break was considered a relief or a disappointment is up to you. Regardless, however, I'm back suckers!

Actually, I don't know how much I will be blogging in the near future. I have the few initial test copies of my first book floating around, waiting for the feedback and edits so I can make a final first edition. Since finally unshackling that emotional 50,000-word ball and chain, the fiction portion of my brain has taken the driver's seat and seems to be careening haphazardly--to my extreme delight, by the way!

I've written a few posts about the my second book, tentatively titled "The Why Society" but I'd hope I can come up with something better than that! Maybe not. The book takes place in my fictional version of an actual town: Why, Arizona. I grown to really enjoy the story and characters, even though the book was started as merely a distraction from the more taxing memoir.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned the third project, but it is my second work of fiction and, surprisingly, taking shape very well. I am certain of the title of this one, which is simply "Eidolon." It is much more... I'm not sure what the best word would be... adult? Don't get me wrong, it's not X-Rated or anything like that, but it would earn a solid R rating as opposed to The Why Society which would probably be considered a light PG-13. 

The Why Society has made Jenny cry quite a few times... hell, it made ME cry while I was writing it! I'd have thought that the emotional impact of that book would appeal to her more than the slightly darker and more "real life" Eidolon. But, she shocked me by reading the first 10,000 words and telling me, "This is my kind of book!"

To give you an idea of where the Eidolon book is headed, I'll include you the tentative beginning below. I decided to use this book to try the first-person perspective, as opposed to The Why Society which is strictly third-person. Each character has developed such unique hurdles, I simply couldn't pick just one as the protagonist.  The Why Society explores more of the emotional aspects of maturing relationships and personal growth through life lessons during your late teens... oh yeah, and fighting giant lizards.  

Without further adieu, I give you the rough initial idea for Eidolon...

(I'll clean it up a little for anyone who might be offended by some of the language.)

My name is Damian Gray and I've died 412 times. Needless to say, my relationship with the “other” realm is... intimate. I have never been killed, but would hate to mar my “talent” by calling it something as dark as “suicide.” It's more like taking little coffee breaks from life. Additionally, the 19 minutes I get outside of my body each time affords me... well, let's just say, opportunities.

Dying temporarily is a numbers game. You get 19 minutes and can travel up to 1094 yards away from your body. I am not sure why the math works out this way, but I've practiced enough to know the numbers and obey the rules. Maybe later I will tell you a little more about some of the “lessons” I learned the hard way. But, for now, we'll just stick to the basics.

I've heard people talk about the “soul” weighing 21 grams. I think they even made a movie about it one time, but I never saw it. I stopped my heart in a veterinary office one time out of curiosity. Well, I actually had to stop it three or four times to keep my stupid body from falling all the way off the dog scale. According to the digital read-out, I weigh 28 grams as a “soul.” Maybe their scale was busted or I'm just a little bulky out-of-body. I don't really care, I wasn't there to weigh myself—I was there to burn the joint to the ground. We can talk more about that in a while.

I don't know, “soul” feels like the wrong term to me; too religious. I've never spent any of my 19 minutes in a church, I can tell you that much. “Spirit” is even worse. “Ghost” is wrong because it seems like a cheap Hollywood term. “Poltergeist” is right most of the time but not as a general term. I don't think that I'm an angry guy by nature. “Incubus” sounds cool and I absolutely love the band, but I'm not down with the whole 'rapist demon' bit. I'm not an evil apparition by any means, but I'm no FREAKING “Casper” either. I'm an otherworld identity crisis I suppose.

For the sake of putting a name to a face, (or lack of a face,) we can call my separate form “Eidolon.” One night I was perusing an antique bookstore and looked up “ghost” in an ancient Thesaurus. Eidolon was on the list and caught my eye so I wrote it on my hand. Plus I think it sounds bad-A.

Speaking of poltergeist, people have that all wrong. You don't have to be pissed to PG. I mean, it helps, and some of my most spectacular destructions have taken place during an all-out ape-POOP rage. Then again, I have also PG-ed completely on accident; like snorting while laughing.

I suppose I should probably tell you a little more about how I obtained this “talent” for stepping out of my body. You could probably do it too, but I wouldn't recommend trying unless you've developed complete control. I don't want to fancy it up by pretending it’s something it’s not; I guess that's all it really comes down to—control. 

Spent

It's done. I'm finished. It took me much longer than expected, but after one last sleepless night of editing, I'm calling it. I don't know how many of you will want to read it, but you can see a 10-page preview of the book here:

http://www.lulu.com/content/4970025

If you want an actual copy of it, let me know. I might order a few of them myself to try and save on the printing fee.

You wouldn't happen to have any brain laxative, would you?

Converging ideas create traffic jams in my mind. Irate drivers exit their vehicles and brawl on the halted interstate. Emergency vehicles cannot reach the carnage to clear or even assess the problem.

How many brain cells can you kill in half a winter? Enough? Apparently.

My fingers once stumbled along behind my train of thought in a failing effort to keep up - like a team of 10 puny third graders trying to take their respective Great Danes for a walk behind a parade of racing rabbits.

Now they sit, bored and twirling their leashes.

Why in the hell can't I write?

Third graders and Great Danes? Really?

"Muse, can you step into the office?

….

Thanks.

Oh, why don't you go ahead and close the door. That's great. Thanks.

….?

Hmmm... where to begin...

Muse, you know we think you're great, right?

….

I realize that you fell into this job without a complete understanding of your duties. However, I - as well as the rest of the staff - feel as though you have been here long enough to familiarize yourself with your duties.

Should we discuss your excessive absences? Low quality of work? Lackluster attitude? Failure to be a team player?

….!

C'mon, Muse. You know as a friend I love you like a brother. I promised your mom I'd give you a chance around here, but if you don't get your act together, we're gonna have to let you go.

….!!!!

Hey, sit back down, let's figure this out.

..

I know demand was high during the fall. 12 - 16 hours a day would wear anybody out. But we can't go from that type of performance down to... well... this.

Why don't we get back into the swing of things with a 4-day-a-week schedule?

.

Two? Are you kidding me? I can get Chuck from accounting to cover that shift. Seriously. Work with me here.

…

We'll meet in the middle. How's three sound? Good?

…

Great!

It's good to have you back, Muse. Bright and early tomorrow? Oh, you've got a thing? Okay. We'll shoot for Wednesday.

…

Another dentist appointment? Really? Fine. Thursday. No later.

..

Yep. Take it easy.

(Door closes)

Janet, can you get me Chuck's number? Yeah, from accounting. We might need him to pick up a few extra shifts. I don't know for sure."

Tricky to navigate stairs through all the tears

I don't have any qualms about using these blogs to make random references to TV favorites. However, I do try to avoid peddling any type of product or recommendation. Either way, I will take the time to tell anyone reading this to go see "Seven Pounds."

This is one of the best written movies I have ever seen. Character motivation, development and plot begin as a scrambled pile of puzzle pieces.

Based on what I have read, don't trust the reviews of this movie. People complain that the mystery is too thick, the segments too disjointed. I disagree entirely. I think Seven Pounds does what many movies fail to: respects the audience. You may find yourself predicting the end of this movie early on. Even if you do, it will not take away from the powerful climax or poignant last scene.

The Economy - It Tastes Like Burning!

Analysts may have all of their fancy charts and doomsday predictions, but in the Workman house, the economy can be evaluated by the quantity of canned meats consumed. Times have apparently been grim since I first tasted Spam with Bacon!

Processed bricks of meat aren't all fun and games. Sure, it is exciting to slice it up after watching it slide out of the can. You don't know if the congealed bubble of saturated fat you're bound to discover will be the size of a dime or a golf ball. It's like a prize in a box of Cracker Jacks! That is, I suppose, if Cracker Jacks started giving away heart attacks.

Even the way the meat reveals itself is exciting. I did some extensive testing and realized that Spam drops from the can at the same speed as the New Year's countdown ball.

"Yay! Here I am!! You're poor!" says the Spam after sticking its landing on your plate.

You can try to jazz it up, but adding eggs and A1 won't make your Spam fancy. Pretend you're eating steak all you want; in your heart you know that "rib-eye" you're noisily masticating came from a blender.

My denial finally gave way to acceptance when I pushed away from the table while trying to roll Spam into seaweed and rice. I sobbed uncontrollably into my greasy palms. I had just dragged my beloved Sushi into an alley, beaten and raped it.

Sushi: I will spend the rest of my days (as long as I can chew solid food, at least) giving you the treatment you deserve. I will never take you for granted again.

Women who make poor choices with men must face the lonely walk of shame in the morning. Men who make poor choices with low-grade pseudo-meats must also deal with the consequences after the next dawn breaks. In the words of the brilliant Brian Regan, "It seems like everything on my insides wants to be on my outsides!"

Regretful and ashamed, you are forced to stand on the train platform early in the morning and ask yourself the tough questions:

"Its only 23 degrees. If I let this fart out, will it steam?"

Lunch consists of Saltines and Vienna Sausages. You bite into perhaps your 100th of the year and catch yourself thinking, "If Spam pooped, I bet it would look like this."

And now, 12 hours later, you ride the train home longing to get out to the platform. Cold or warm, the pressure valve must be purged. Your intestines seem as angry at Spam as you are at them.

Then, as the realization washes over you, a single tear escapes the clutches of your eyelid. You can't wait to get home. You're going straight to the stove to crank it to MED-HI. You're going to take out that fracking Spam pan, aren't you? You are! You can't wait to peel back that shiny gold lid! You're addicted, Buddy!

Forget Big-Tobacco and Big-Oil! Let us raise our fists and revolt against the processed meat conglomerates! Damn you Hormel! Damn you and your delicious Spam!!

Home (The Dangerous Summer)

TAGGED!! Well, not me personally... but a freind I know. You can imagine what it'd be like if I did! Huh? Huh?

Did you pick up the genius of the late and loved Chris Farley in Billy Madison? I hope so.

I saw this on Melissa's blog and thought it was pretty cool because it uses songs like "I Ching" Chinese fortune-telling coins. Okay... not really, but it is fun to search for meaning where none actually exists. Don't we do this all the time?

The rules: Go to the shuffle setting on your MP3 player. Answer each question with title of the next song that comes up. No skipping, even if it doesn't make sense!

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

Mother Father (Dave Matthews Band)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Kotov Syndrome (Rise Against)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Thick As Thieves (Dashboard Confessional)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Broken Hearts and Concrete Floors (Dashboard Confessional)
*** Wow. Dark.***

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Back Breaker (Hit The Lights)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Who Is Aliandra (Park)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

What Would You Say (Dave Matthews Band)

WHAT IS 2+2?

I'm Real (The Starting Line)

***I would have said, "CHICKEN!!" for all you Brian Regan fans!***

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Playing For Keeps (Matchbook Romance)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Goin' Out West (Fight Club Soundtrack)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Wasting Time (RED)
*** I really, REALLY wish that one didn't come up!***

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Whatever Tomorrow Brings (Incubus)
*** This is getting SPOOKY!***

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

Save Us (Cartel)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Black hole Sun (Copeland - Punk Goes 90's)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

The Trophy Wife (Park)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

The Grim Goodbye (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

The Greatest Fall (Of All Time) *** Actual Title!*** (Matchbook Romance)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?]

Papercut (Linkin Park)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Light in August - Chapter 9 (William Faulkner)

WHATS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?

On Writing - Disc 8 (Stephen King)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?

4AM Forever (Lostprophets)
*** Probably better for the last one...***

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?

Eight of Nine (The Ataris)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Ocean And Atlantic (Mayday Parade)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?

What You Are (Dave Matthews Band)
*** Who knew I had so much DMB on this thing?!***

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?

Matter of Time (Cartel)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?

The Ransom (Cartel)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?

Love Seat (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?

Memory (Sugarcult)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?

Broken Legs (Moneen)
***No Way!!***

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Home (The Dangerous Summer)

What I learned from this game: DMB is taking up WAY too much of my iPod space!

Note from Melissa:

"Be forwarned if you play: There is a slight urge to make these songs mean something. And when it doesn't make sense, you will be tempted to skip to the next song...There is a LOT of cleaning up I need to do. So much music to weed through and get rid of.
TAG, You're IT! (If you want)"

Who has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy.

Doing a blog post from my iPod Touch seemed like a really good idea until I started typing (more like mashing!).

"I'm sorry, the fingers you've used to dial are too fat. To order a special dialing wand..."

Alright. Enough obscure TV references. But, ten points if you knew the first one was from The Office without the picture. And, let's see, a Gold Star sticker if you remembered the second one was from The Simpsons; you know, back when it was funny.

About the goatsucker book, I know I put on here that I would finish it by Christmas. I can only devote so many hours a day to writing and I made some great progress with it. Alas, my priorities have been changed for me.

Before I can put any more time into high school bullies or mythological mexican monsters, I need to get my first book into print. I mentioned it in my first or second post on this blog. Until a few weeks ago, I had decided not to publish it. I've had some amazing conversations since then which made me reconsider. A small handful of people have actually found the book helpful and started promoting it to their friends. So, I can either let my rough drafts keep getting passed around or do it right. It was a lot of work so the latter is really the only option.

I don't write this to encourage any of you to read my first book. I just wanted to let those of you who expressed interest in the fiction book know that it has been pushed back. Even though you completely forgot about it until now, humor me and act disappointed, okay?